Global Peacemaking Group Gets Holy Land Fighters High
TMZ says Netanyahu and Abbas Caught Stoned at Club Yasir Arafat in Ramallah
In a final desperate humanitarian attempt to resolve the modern long-term hate and violence that infects the holy land peoples, it has been reported that 2 days ago a flotilla of C-130s was sent from a secret air base in Oaksterdam California loaded up with “Marijuana Bombs” These baggies of “weed” bunched up into missile sized lots were dropped over the holy land peoples in a clandestine night-time mission by an organization calling itself “The Peoples Peacemaker Project”
Speaking from their underground lair in an undisclosed location where the drops were coordinated, Director of Strategic Peacemaking General Vincent Boombots said “After many failed attempts by the military-industrial complex and a global elite force posing as peacemakers, we, the people, have decided to put our own peace force together and take unilateral action for peace”.
Boombots goes on to say that “weed was the only solution! Weed! We looked at alcohol but have you ever been to a heavy metal concert where everyone was liquored up? Fights everywhere! Not a solution! We also looked at opium…I mean since the US has so much of it on sale with its increased cultivation and production in Afghanistan, this drug would be an unending source for mind control. But peace? No way! But weed! Hey, have you ever been to a reggae concert? Yeah, everyone, black, white, green, whatever passes that peacemaker stick around, and next thing you know it’s love, peace, and harmony for all mankind mon!”.
Yesterday reports from Tel-Aviv say that Prime Minister of Israel Benjamin Netanyahu, a well-known racist hater of Arab peoples smoked a doobie with his in-house political rival and fellow hater of Arabs, Tzipi Livni. Observers report hugs, kisses, and a little Hava-Na-Gila dancing with a late-night phone call made to Domino’s pizza; something about a pepperoni!
On the other side, Ismail Haniyeh, the leader, and death to Israel hater of Hammas was seen smoking a mad bong and hugging Mahmoud Abbas, leader of the Palestinian authority in the West Bank. Together they issued this joint statement;
Hamas and Palestinian Authority Joint Statement to the World
“Today, we hereby declare that Israeli soldier Gilad Shilat held captive in Gaza for years is to be released immediately to his family in Israel. We sincerely apologize to his family and especially to his mother for our actions. We met with Gilad and smoked a bowl with him. Gilad said it was all good and that he was cool with it. In fact, he invited us to his house in Israel to smoke a bowl with his peeps. We are going next Saturday for some potato pancakes and a bagel with lox”.
On the streets, as of this morning, the peoples of Israel and Palestine were seen arm in arm smoking massive hookahs filled with Maui Wowie and some Red Hair Skunk screaming together in unison “Death Cab for Cutie! Death Cab for Cutie!” Apparently, the crowd was still unable to remove their brainwashed “calls for death” so they merely got too high and called for an indie folk band from Seattle instead.
Businesses in the holy lands report that pizza, chicken wings, and hummus sales have skyrocketed as Israelis and Palestinians crash the restaurants and cafes looking for Scoobie snacks. Together, dancing in the streets Israelis and Palestinians protested the blatant overt use of bar-b-que sauce on their chicken wings demanding the governments sponsor Tahini as the official chicken wing sauce.
On the political scene, last night, Benjamin Netanyahu held a party at his home in Tel-Aviv inviting all the members of the Knesset, Palestinian Authority, Hamas, and Hezbollah for some music, pizza, and frolic. Reporters who crashed the party saw Bibi toking with that Hezbollah guy and they were like “Dood, I am so sorry for throwing those missiles at Haifa” and Bibi was like “Dood, no worries, I mean what was I thinking invading Lebanon, and blowing up all that stuff. Holy crap dood, we totally suck!”.
As the band played some killer party dance beats, there were chants by a dancing guy calling himself Grand Master B Obama. This dancing hipster crashed the party. He was overheard saying “Bibi, I am appointing you to pledge representative to the social committee” while Bibi said “Gee Grand Master B, thanks! What do I have to do?” to which Grand Master B retorted “It means you have to drive us to the Falafel King”
As of late, all the peoples of the holy land, Jews, Christians, and Muslims were seen turning in their guns and suicide detonators and asking that they be melted down and made into totally bitchen water bongs with lots of cool psychedelic colors.
Mission Accomplished!
* This is satire. The events above did NOT really happen although based on past attempts by peacemakers, it’s probably not a bad idea!
© 2010: JohnnyPunish.com, article written by Johnny Punish
