Psychotic Predators Battle to See Who’s the Biggest Baddest Mofo Out There
By Johnny Punish
So here we are. Are you ready to find out who’s on this year’s Global Most Wanted list complied by yours truly? Okay, great! Let’s do this. First, I encourage you to read my list in full and then place your comments. Do you agree? disagree? Do you have any better nominees? Here’s my list…
1) DICK CHENEY, the Global Sith
This guy is the poster child for what a War criminal looks like today. That smirk of contempt is the classic and quintessential screw you to your face while I steal your future. It’s that unreal commitment to being the world’s # 1 psychotic predator that makes this Global Sith our # 1 war criminal.
A former US Secretary of Defense, former US Vice-President, and signator of the Project for the New American Century (PNAC), Cheney is the accused mastermind of the 911 “terrorist” attack against the people of the world. Cheney has been called “The Vice President For Torture” by the Washington Post. A staunch supporter of the Middle Eastern Wars for resources, Cheney, like Wolfowitz and Rumsfeld bears particular responsibility for the conduct of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars.
Elder Statesman and global corporate rapist, this maniac epitomize the phrase, Psychotic Predator. Oh, and it is alleged that he’s had over 25 heart transplant surgeries over the last thousand years of his life allowing him to complete many other evil deeds allegedly including injecting potatoes with an unknown agent causing the famine in Ireland (circa 1845) and launching the Bubonic plague on Europe destroying the lives of millions upon millions just so he could control the spice trade. This guy knows what he’s doing! Send this menace to Gitmo!
2) GEORGE W. BUSH, Idiot Drunk, and Coked Up Innocent bystander
It’s actually hard to put this clown on our list. He was by far the most embarrassing U.S. President in history. He’s such a moron that you kind of feel sorry for him. I mean this clown on 9/12 had the whole world on his side and, within 1 year, blew that goodwill to hell completely. It’s precisely that kind of talent that puts Mr. Mission Accomplished on this list at #2.
I mean he was gracious enough to accept the job offered to him by his Dad and the GOP cabal that you gotta admire him for doing his duty as a good son. But alas, he gladly implemented their Dr. Evil strategies without a blink of an eye and so, well, you guessed it…Dress up in your favorite Orange jumpsuit Georgy cause you’re…. the next contestant on Guess who belongs in Gitmo?
3) BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, Prime Sinister of Israhell
Bibi, we love you! You’ve been around so long we’ve lost track of how many crimes against humanity you’ve committed. I mean you’ve screwed the American public for so long headed by your spy and bidding ring in America commonly known as AIPAC that we no longer know what is up and what is down. And to make it even worse, you do it soooooo effortlessly. It’s impressive.
I mean you take white phosphorus dumps on the indigenous populations and then call them terrorists while the American public cheers you on,; even more than their U.S. President. Wow! That’s amazing!
Talent? No way! It’s much more! I think the word is Mastery.
You are that Master Po guy in the 70’s Kung Fu TV show teaching poor little Grasshopper Obama how to control the universe. And that puts you on this esteemed list.
Somebody give this man a standing ovation! Wait! What’s that? The U.S. Congress already did that? Dam he’s good! Ga Ga Ga Gitmo time!
4) JAMIE DIMON, J.P. Morgan Chase Chairman and Known Global Tapeworm
Mr. Dimon, how sweet it is! The Tapeworm! We love this guy! In fact, most of the global people don’t even know your name which makes you so so really evil because you do it in plain sight. You screw the masses each day leading an evil empire that controls the money game enslaving the populace while you create wealth for you and your buds in a game where you control the rules.
Brilliant! You win no matter what happens. Tell me the truth …. you have a real mini-me, right? A Mister Bigglesworth? Come on, fess up! Hey, If I throw a penny into a cell in Gitmo will you run and get it? I think so!
5) RUPERT MURDOCH, Global Media Master Brainwasher
Ahhhh, the Australian globalist posing as an American gentleman. Hey wasn’t this guy in that James Bond movie Tomorrow Never Dies? I am sure that was him looking to control the global media. Except this maniac is for real.
Does anyone have a straight jacket the size of his megalomania? How old is this clown act anyway? Is he really a human being or just a hologram?
6) HANK PAULSON, Global Bankster, and Financial Rapist
When Paulson left the top job at Goldman Sachs to become Treasury Secretary in 2006, his big concern was whether he’d have an impact.
He ended up almost single-handedly running the country’s economic policy for the last year of the Bush Administration insuring that his buddies got bailed out after screwing everybody. Wow, what a performance! Can you say Agent Double-Oh-Bilderberger?
7) PAUL WOLFOWITZ, the Iraq War Architect
Former US Deputy Secretary of Defense and architect of the Middle Eastern War Without End. Casualties in two pre-emptive wars now exceed 1,000,000 deaths, not including the 4,000+ US deaths and over 40,000 wounded. And this clown act won a Presidential Medal of Freedom for his evil work and a promotion to the head of the World Bank. You can’t write comedy better than this.
I would send him to Gitmo but the laughs seem to be worth having him around on TV trying to justify his actions. It’s better than watching the comedy channel. Too funny!
8) TONY BLAIR, Wingman to G.W. Bush in the Fabricated Wars
Blair, with his buddy Georgy, better known as G.W., launched a war of aggression that broke international law. In attacking Iraq, Blair committed a crime against peace, defined by the Nuremberg Principles as the “planning, preparation, initiation or waging of a war of aggression”.
The Iraq war was waged for a reason other than self-defense, which made it a crime of aggression and violated Articles 33 and 51 of the UN Charter. Besides, he smiles while he lies. That’s worth a ticket to Gitmo. Read more on Why Blair is a war criminal >>
9) DONALD RUMSFELD, Loyal Neo-Conned
US Secretary of Defense during the Middle Eastern War Without end. A signatory of the Project for the New American Century (PNAC) document that calls for pre-emptive hostile acts of US imperialism conducted by overwhelming military means (War) against weaker nations possessing scarce resources.
Aside from the estimated 1,000,000 Iraqi deaths, the estimated 40,000 US casualties (dead and injured), and the untold tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands unaccounted for who suffer from the effects of depleted uranium now and in the years to come, well Rummy, you win! You get on this list.
I mean Rumsfeld remains convinced the “war on terror” was just. Does Gitmo have a super insane wing? If so, he belongs there.
10) HENRY KISSINGER, The Original War Criminal
This former US Secretary of State was Dick Cheney before there was Dick Cheney. He invented the modern-day Dick Cheney. In fact, Dick Cheney can only hope to be this good.
Kissinger had a hand in killings around the world for over 40 years. Some argue he’s still involved.
From Chile to Vietnam to Israel, the lovable Henry was the man. Heck, he was so good that they even gave him a Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts. Wow, good job Europa!
I loved this man so much that, with my old punk rock band Twisted Nixon, I penned a song in his honor called Kissinger is Dead.
Make a Citizens Arrest and Save the World
In closing, personally, I don’t recognize the right of these maniacs to be free in our global society. In fact, if I ever see one of these maniacs anywhere near my presence, I will immediately make a global citizens arrest on behalf of humanity and take them to the nearest local Police station calling upon my fellow citizens to guard the building so that so there can be no escape or rescue by their assigns who aim to free their buddy from the grips of justice. I urge you, my fellow humans, to do the same.
